No. That's wrong. That's totally wrong. I have never said that to ANYbody. The reason is simple - no one has ever loved me.
My parents... They might have loved me in the past. But it seems that their love for complaining has taken over the little love they had for me. My sister became an outstanding student in Secondary School and has been continuing her legacy of getting excellent scores in Junior College. She's achieving everything parents want their children to. And now she's shortlisted for the Science Camp in Cambridge. I don't give a damn on how that school's name is spelled but you probably know, right? It's a school in the UK. Some University or some sort?
How can I ever compete with
that? I believe that ounce of love they had for me before have been transferred to their love for my sister. I don't blame her, of course. Why should I? It wasn't her fault for being so perfect. I'm not being sarcastic here. In fact, I'm being absolutely serious in this post. If you thought I was being sarcastic, that is.
Speaking of sarcasm, I do NOT think I'm very sarcastic. And if I am, that isn't what I wanted to put myself as to people. Sarcastic? That's my sister. I do NOT believe that I am like my sister. I mean, of course I want to be like her but I can't possibly catch up to her. She's too far up.
Now that we're on this topic... I think I have portrayed myself to people wrongly. I don't think ANYbody udnerstands me. NObody knows the real me. I don't even know myself accurately but I know that everybody else doesn't really know me at all.
I seem totally fine some times, but most of the time, I'm not. Most of the time, I just want to grab a knife and slice my wrists. Most of the time, I just want to climb up to the top level of the Empire State Building and fling myself off the building. Most of the time, I just want to shut myself up somewhere and be left to rot. Why haven't I been able to do all that? I am too afraid? Probably, yes. I hate this part of me. Nobody can tell when and when I'm not hurt. This is probably because I hide my feelings all the time. This masking really pisses me off but it's what I do for reasons even I'm not sure of.
People say that nobody is perfect but there sure are people who are
impefect. For example, yours truly.
I have absolutely zero talent.
I'm lazy thus fat. I'm fat thus ugly. I believe I'm ugly both inside and out. And that's the worst you can get.
Those very very few times that people praise me. I've believed them. But when it's proven wrongly, the crashes just come down on a hunger impact. And they usually are proven wrongly. Thanks for the praises but I think I'm better of without them.
'I love all my friends'
I have said that before. But do I really mean it? No, I don't think so. My friends would include the ones I made in BDS. How can I love you all in one and half years? That's too short. I don't think I love any of my friends. Like a lot, yes, but LOVE? No. That's exaggerating. I'm sorry I lied to you. But I don't think I can drag the lie on.
My family... I don't even want to start on it. They can't even tell I'm crying. They can't even tell I'm on the verge of crying. They don't know the real me either. They don't know anything, in fact.
If you thought I was crazily in love with Johnny Depp. I'm sorry I've led you to think that.
I'm sorry for all the lies I made about myself. But I don't think anyone wants to get to know this real me. I don't mean this post to be offending anyone or scolding anyone. My apologies if it seems that way.
Yours Truly,
Shalyn
, 20:09
I can't believe I actually gave advice that was of use on a blogskin. I merely commented that the font colour was too bright for one of the skins and everybody agreed! Ho. I'm good it's dangerous.
Now, you must be wondering just what the hell I'm doing, blogging when I'm suppose to study. Well, I'm practicing my English, you see.
First of all, CONGRATS TO CHINESE DANCE. They earned themselves a shiny GOLD WITH HONOURS. I expected them to get like Gold because Bedok South sucks. :P Well, it's good that you proved me wrong. But I'm no Arts person so I can't tell what is good and what's not good unless it's totally obvious. So, anyway... GOOD JOB WENEE AND jianhao. Ya, he's very insignificant. But he should be praised too since he's in Chinese Dance and did his part. But the guys still looks gay in their gay costumes. Especially jianhao.
I need something with internet access and it has to be PORTABLE so I decided on an IPOD TOUCH. I think I'm gonna get it after exams. I'm gonna try to get my parents to subsidy me $50 each. An iPod Touch costs $300++ according to my sister. She bought hers for that price from Challenger. I wonder if there are other places that sell iPod Touch at a lower price?
My Tablet PC can wait because a laptop satisfies me. NOW MY HIGHEST PRIORITY IS AN IPOD TOUCH. My sister will definitely be saying I copying her. Hah. I am. Sort of. She got it first, after all. I think she's gonna feel it's unfair too.
Anyway, I'm gonna work hard for the exams and then it'll be easier to convince my stubborn mom to sponsor me $50 for the iPod Touch. :D Wish me good luck, lappy! And I won't abandon you, of course! You're my first love!! *snuggles laptop*
Yours,
Mrs Shalyn Depp
, 20:19
I FORGOT TO TAKE MY
NEW PENCIL CASE HOME WITH ME! How much more careless can I get?! Careless or unlucky? That's the likelier question! Argh! I'm not exactly in full panic mood. I was in full panic mood when I realised that I left it in Computer Lab 3. I was in a rush to go home, wasn't I? I just left without taking anything. -..- I'm so smart some times it scares me. In fact, it pisses me off! Grr... I don't think anyone took it with them because
one, I was sitting at the back so probably no one would bother looking back there;
two, they don't really care anyway.
Anyway, BLARGGER-DUSH! Now I can't study! I wanted to highlight the words in my Goegraphy textbook but now that my pencil case is not with me, I can't. I'm not used to my siblings' pens and highlighters and what-nots. THIS SUCKS. I think this is the only time I can't wait to go back to school. I HAVE TO. ASAP. MY PENCIL CASEEE.
I was happily searching the net for handphones before realising my pencil case wasn't with me... T.T I feel soo saddd.
And, don't feel so sad, CO members! Silver ain't so bad! YOU DID YOUR BEST. There's nothing you can do to change your scores. So you'll have to live with Silver for awhile then when the next SYF comes up, you can kick some ASS!
Yours,
Mrs Shalyn Depp
, 20:01
